This week is a "Dear-Lord-baby-Jesus-in-the-manger please do not tell me October 1st is Tuesday" Kinda week. This week is a "eat half your sandwich for lunch and the other half for dinner and contemplate attending an AA meeting for free coffee and donuts to supplement your diet," kinda week. This is a "no avocados for you, poor girl" week.
Because you see, my sweet biddies, avocados are most assuredly a food for rich people. Think bout it. Whole Foods displays their perfectly ripe avocados prominently at the front of the fresh produce, under a faux kitschy chalk board sign covered in bubbly font that says, "Organic Avocados $5."...Five dollars for a bushel? Five dollars for however many you can carry at once? Nope. Five dollars for one. But that one avocado has enough monounsaturated fatty acids to keep your heart healthy for the rest of ya damn life. And that avocado speaks conversational french.
I kind of like no avocado weeks. I like the scrimp and barely make it weeks. I'm good at it. Being poor makes me funnier. At least that's what my Mom says. In his new book Let's Explore Diabetes With Owls, David Sedaris says we need poverty as proof we are truly creative. You should read his book! But don't buy it because he publishes most of the essays first in The New Yorker WHICH you can borrow (read: steal with a small intention to return) from my bougie dry cleaners on the corner of 14th and 2nd. See? I know what I'm doing.
I'ma teach you things. I'ma teach you how to live in the New York of Cities and still do all the things, and cut all the monetary corners, and still live like the fanciest poor person that you can be. So read my blog. And if you don't read my blog, that's fine too. You're probably excessively wealthy and enjoying pleasant small talk in broken (allbeit, charming) french with your very favorite $5 avocado. Or what I like to call, living the dream.